


but this estranged organ

by zjofierose



Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [10]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Character Study, Dreams and Nightmares, Fear, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zjofierose/pseuds/zjofierose
Summary: "don't leave me"
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: (every now and then) on my mind - Angstober 2019 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998550
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	but this estranged organ

**Author's Note:**

> just a baby ficlet for a prompt from a 2019 Angstober list. originally posted as part of a multi-chapter ficlets collection; re-posting as a stand-alone.

Yuuri wakes in the middle of the night in a panic, sheets tangled into an impenetrable mess around him, soaked with sweat and tying him down. 

“ _ Don’t leave me _ ,” he shouts, reaching into the darkened hotel room before it even registers where he is, his hand outstretched like it is on the ice, reaching, reaching, to that empty spot at the boards, at the wall. “Don’t  _ leave _ me,” he whispers again, half-sobbing, and he couldn’t begin to tell you what language he’s using. 

It doesn’t matter, because there’s no one here to hear him anyway. He is alone in this dark, strange, room, murmurs of people passing in the hallway not withstanding. He is alone, as alone as he’s ever been in his entire life, with no coach, no roommate, no parents, no sister. No dog. 

He struggles free of the sheets and pulls his damp shirt from his body in disgust. He can’t remember what he was dreaming, not really - he remembers that it was about Viktor, because isn’t it always about Viktor? Viktor’s laugh, Viktor’s smile; Viktor’s skating, Viktor’s coaching, Viktor’s dancing. Viktor on the ice, Viktor in the onsen, Viktor in Yuuri’s bed with his head thrown back and his mouth open and his eyes closed.

Viktor, slipping away from him; Viktor turning to walk in the opposite direction; Viktor looking at him without a shred of recognition before he skates off into a jubilant crowd of cheering fans without so much as a second glance at Yuuri.

Yuuri grinds the palms of his hands into his eyes, watching as starbursts flicker on the back of his eyelids and breathes

He feels like he’s been dragged along the bank of the Hasetsu river behind Makkachin, and he probably smells like it too, so he carefully extricates himself from the sheets and walks to the bathroom, stripping off his clothing as he goes. He takes a short, hot, shower, letting the heat seep into his muscles and bones, hoping it will help him relax. 

It’s a fool’s errand, but he tries. 

He gets out of the shower and dries off, turning out the bathroom light and wandering back into the main room. His bed is still trashed and sloppy, covers falling onto the floor and pillow shoved into an unrecognizable shape. 

The other bed - Viktor’s bed - is pristine and empty, and Yuuri is suddenly so, so tired. 

He climbs into it naked, shuddering at the chill of the sheets against his bare skin. It’s been made, but the linens haven’t been changed, and he tells himself that he can smell the faint remnants of Viktor’s shampoo on the pillow as he buries his face in it, pulling the covers up and over his head.

Viktor is not here, and the room is dark and empty beyond Yuuri and his aching heart. Viktor is on a plane, somewhere between here and Hasetsu, flying over the land and sea that have divided them all their lives in the hopes of finding his beloved Makkachin safe and alive. 

Yuuri cannot - will not - begrudge Viktor this, not any of it, not ever. 

He buries his face in the pillow, breathing deep and clutching at the sheets with his fists. 

“ _ Don’t leave me _ ,” he whispers into the dark.


End file.
